abuse 2
thinking about m. being upset at how i treated him a long while back and i was like yeah i abused you!
and he became more and more assured in this because i reassured him and he really wanted to be the victim™.
he enjoyed being able to demand an apology whenever he was upset at me (or even just upset at white people in general (this baffles me, it's not useful for me understanding harm, it only elevates him above me)), and bragged about being able to humble me at his whim to his friend
anyway, did i "abuse" him? yeah.
did he "abuse" me? yeah.
thinking about how me learning was only good when it was stuff he knew
and if i learned anything he didn't, he couldn't stand it...
he would complain it makes him dissociate for me to explain... anything.... (yarn, math, how to cook smthing, basically anything...)
excuse me.
shut the fuck up.
when we broke up he complained about me talking cutely still (AS IF IT WERE JUST A SERVICE FOR HIS BENEFIT)
EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY, THAT'S JUST ME WHEN I'M SINCERE AND NOT SCARED SHITLESS???
I AM A SILLY GUY! THIS IS FOR ME!!!!! I AM SILLY TO ENJOY LIVING!!!
also still bitter about "let's get two bedrooms so that if we break up we don't need to leave the apartment" that turned into "why would i stay, i'm only here for YOU 🥺 (pity me)"
I remember telling him about a time my dad told me "oh, you're... basically scared of everything all the time?" and i was like "yeah".
and m. said "oh i don't think you're scared of everything!" (etc)
insisting i wasn't afraid.
so i think i agreed with him (BC I WAS SCARED 😅)