ambition
what makes me feel truly safe, is not what is safety
i have buried my self delusion so deep
that all i need is a place to curl up
like a cat
i know there is a love beyond this
i know crystals can grow true
not in nature, but perhaps in a lab.
thinking about the lyrics to "on fire" by Angel Haze (if suffering makes a god then let me know more of it)
i want to feel confident in my love.
you can perhaps never feel such confidence again.
or perhaps you didn't then either.
you were certain about two things in life, being a contradiction like all people (magnetic domains are regions of alignment of the crystalline structure of a metal like iron)
(or is it steel)
you knew who you loved, you decided so. and you knew you wanted to be loved.
and what came from that is beyond words
it is a difficult thing, to decide how to die. or to decide how to live.
how does a dead thing choose how to die.
i believe that yuuji can become strong enough to determine the manner of his death.
i know i am unworthy in my heart. (and i know you are unworthy in yours)
love that is true is free of self deception.
(who was it who said humans are the most hypocritical species of all? was this in hnk?)
it is a terrifying thing to realize you do not meet your own standards
and a worse thing to realize your standards are not as high as you think.
to imagine a true love, and be satisfied TO BE SATISFIED IN YOUR HEART... with something else...
(is it worse than death to know you are human?)