despicable
what a fucking embarrassment and waste and farce.
disgusting.
no sense of responsibility
actually, it's worse than that.
AN UNDERSTANDING, AND THEN CHOOSING TO SHRUG IT OFF.
so fucking vile
i would prioritize my own relaxation over the life of a cat? how despicable.
what an ugly heart.
enough bullshit. enough "if I'm angry enough at myself that'll make it ok right???".
what is so fucked up in my heart that i would choose personal minor convenience over risk to a cat's life
i think it might be some part of me somewhere where i simply doesn't care about killing or dying, that on some level these are either fictions or just... okay actually.
why, and how do i correct this.
well i think also i need to quit the job that makes me Emotion Extreme
but yeah i think this comes from a sheltering from violence, some deep belief i have that problems are fake and fixed by ignoring.
or that, when i am "overwhelmed", i am permitted to shirk responsibility. that it becomes okay...