lake
thinking about lake
i couldn't have done what he does (prior to meeting my wife) because
- it would feel like i am losing my grip on love (is all of life torture or be tortured? i must reject this idea or i will die)
- i don't have the conviction to live the way he did. well, is it living to be a ground squirrel or rodent or something, eating seeds in your burrow? i guess... but this is the kind of "i demand something for myself" that i just don't think i have in me. if i had to follow him into his burrow and become ground rodent apprentice or whatever (so that I can live), I would just die instead.
But I would try to if it would be for my wife.