true love
IT IS A HORRIBLE THING
to know, after INSISTING ON THE TRUTH, that really you just wanted something a bit more beautiful (JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE YOU DO DESPISE FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR FUCKING HEART)
there is something degrading about being the kind of animal that just wants a warm bed and to feel alright.
THESE ARE THE SORTS OF CREATURES THAT CREATE HELL
but you and i are not apart from these. certainly not i, and certainly not you.
a deep deep fear of mine is GIVING UP ON MY DEEP DEEP INSISTENCE ON SOMETHING SINCERE AND REAL AND DEEP AND... SOMETHING THAT MEANS SOMETHING AND WANTING IT SO BADLY I'LL LOBOTIMIZE MYSELF AND CUT OUT MY WILL FROM MY HEART.
because i know (AND I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE) i would give it up for something sweet
AFTER ALL, that homework assignment as a child to create "care/feeding of" instructions for yourself... THAT WAS TRUE.
i am more tamogotchi than i would like to believe.
AND THIS DISGUSTS ME.